Pappa wants mamma naked
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
