@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
