i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
