You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
