All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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