i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize