Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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