After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
