i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
