Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
