i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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