I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
