Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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