my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
