in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
