yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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