Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
