my vag is so smooth its legendary
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
