i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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