you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
