idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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