Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
