I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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