Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
