im having a threesome with these popsicles
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
third nipple confirmed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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