he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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