White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
