i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
