So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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