Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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