Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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