I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
youre lurking in front of me
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
