I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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