I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
