Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
