paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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