idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
