I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
