I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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