Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
