Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
