just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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