The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed