yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
