The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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