there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
