I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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