How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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