Need sex. Gaining weight.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
