captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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