She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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