I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
