dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Floor bacon is actually really good
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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