I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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