just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
