I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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