i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
