I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
