she looked like the before picture.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
