I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
