I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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