i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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