the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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