Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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